Overheard at breakfast this morning:
Twin 1: “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m not going to kill you.”
Twin 2: “Could you please call me ‘darling’ instead?”
Archive for April, 2007
Mothergoosemouse wrote a thought-provoking piece about mothering two children a few weeks back. In it, she discusses feeling a little guilty that her second baby was easier for her (mostly because of her situation, not because of the baby’s temperament).
And I know exactly what she means. When I had my twins, I was in a very new teetery tottery relationship (total time together once the twin tidal wave hit: 13 months) and our love castle it turned out was built on sand. So the easy-ness and joy of sweet V 3 1/2 years later sometimes made me feel guilty. I actually enjoyed myself the second time around.
Meanwhile, all of a sudden, it seems I’m mother to three children. How did it happen? Who are these small people who need me to feed them and call me “Mommy”? It’s so surreal. I’m not sure if it’s a function of having twins or starting my family in my nearly mid-30s, but honestly sometimes I look up and see these three beautiful loud talkative girls and I wonder how it’s possible they are all mine… And the mechanics and logistics of raising three children is so, well, loud and complicated, sometimes I feel like I run nonstop from morning until night.
And I know it’s supposed to get easier when they’re older and the fact that none of them are in school yet exacerbates an already relatively demanding situation. When my friends with one child complain about their plight there is a part of me that thinks “ahh… you THINK you have it tough now, just WAIT!” but then I don’t want to be some bitter naysayer negatisma.
Here are a few things that go by the wayside once you have more than one child:
1. An ability to complete any sentence or conversation without being interrupted 800 times
2. Sleep
3. Cleanliness and Order - Yours, theirs, the house, the yard. I see people with children with combed hair and it’s as if I’m watching someone from another planet
4. Quiet
5. Sitting down
In return, here is what you experience:
1. Children who play together and keep each other entertained — those belly laughs are so priceless
2. The chance to be the sun and moon to what feels like an entire chorus full of little angelly devils
3. The opportunity to seem EXTRA impressive if you DON”T wear a mumu and occasionally even look cute.
4. Get out of jail free card - This is all the credit you get for doing ANYTHING at all (You work? wow! You write? Incredible!).
5. When you walk down the street holding little hands and they follow after you like sweet little ducklings, you feel so proud and strong and important.
6. More kids makes family feel so much more like family.
7. You surrender any illusion you had before of having an orderly life.
How about you? What do you think of having more than one child?
05
Apr
And Then She Turned 2….
Two years ago my life was made innumerably better by my little pudding, my last baby, my sweetest sweet V. Prettier than a flower, stronger than a summer day, light, love, laughter and all things beautiful. I must have done something right to deserve such a girl.
Here’s a song for you, sweet love:
VIOLET, by Frank Black
Violet, Violet
Violet’s the color for me
Halfway between blood and the sky
Everything I want to see
Violet, Violet
Violet’s the shakra for me
Key of B at the top of her head
Seeking divinity
On my way to another place
I stop long enough to breathe
Violet, Violet
Violet’s the flower for me
Ancient Greek symbol of love
Flower of fertility
Flower of fertility
#
At what point does experiencing all of life’s richness become over-consumption and greed? I’m always trying to figure out the line between living passionately and fully, and living selfishly. My inability to understand the concept of polyamory is one such example. Polyamory, quite literally the intimate love of more than one person at a time, isn’t widely discussed, except here, here, and here, especially not among respectable marrieds with children (among whose company I’m often somewhat mistakenly grouped), yet it’s an interesting concept.
Marriage and monogamy can obviously be dull, hence the 800 gazillion titles in every bookstore addressing these topics. While I agree that getting all of your needs fulfilled through one person is unrealistic and unfair, it is unclear that polyamory, swinging, or infidelity is a solution. Truthfully, I think free-flowing sexual expression isn’t a healthy solution to issues of boredom or even curiosity. People can hurt each other by going after the golden chalice of self-fulfillment.
But what about flirting? Is it ok to flirt as a way to keep things spicy and alive and to acknowledge that attraction to others is not only normal, but healthy? And when does flirtation stop being harmless and start being hurtful?
Most thinking adults with a dash of sleep deprivation, a house full of young children, and the right combination of lack of free time and extra poundage, would admit that life as a parent can be about as sexy vomit and the runs, but if life is truly only about self-expression, self-realization, and the ability to come clean about one’s deepest desires, what’s to keep us all from devolving into selfish hedonistic users?
Martin Buber’s famous treatise, I and Thou, lays out the great difference between treating another human being as the means to one’s pleasure fulfillment (It) versus treating others as spiritually worthy of our service and solicitude (Thou). American society is particularly enamored of the rugged individualist, who demands her/his needs be fulfilled, come hell or high water. And sex, such as it is, has just become another proving ground for this philosophy.
I am a high romantic with a low bawdy inner life. Emily Dickenson, Jane Austen and Neruda, and Yeats, and Frost, and Shakespearean Sonnets, run through my brain and heart, along with Susie Bright and the like.
As a flawed romantic, is there a place for me in this world? I often feel wholly unprepared and under-armored for the rough and tumble of love and relationships. And like most scared people, toughen up with armor and cynicism to get through. But when the shell breaks, and when another captures my poetic imagination, the depth of this longing for romantic fulfillment is hard to resist. Whether it can be healthily channeled (damn health!) is a matter for the Enacter.
***
Meanwhile, I leave you with this lovely piece by Robert Frost. If ever there were a country and a time that required poetry, it is us and it is now.
And were an epitaph to be my story I’d have a short one ready for my own.
I would have written of me on my stone:
I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.
-Robert Frost
Have you ever pondered the life of Celery? Come on, admit it, you know you have, you Saucy Minx! Celery is the shy herbaceous wallflower cousin to flashier ‘tables like arugula and cauliflower, with their showy leaves and spikes and flowering veggie nonsense. Deeply introspective wise Celery is often misunderstood. “Straight,” “dull,” “rule-following keener,” they call out as he stalks by. Poor Celery.
But what of the many lovely medicinal applications of this wondrous vegetable? Effective in treating rheumatoid arthritis, cystitis, and (in service to neurotic bloggers everywhere), nervous exhaustion.
Oh Celery, how oft you are misunderstood. Who but the fine poets have fully appreciated your grace?
***
Celery
by Evan Nagle
Sad water
in the cold wet Spring.
She chops the green celery
headless, footless.
The faucet’s shivering aqueduct.
I wake to the cutting
board’s clank, the smell
of butchered plants
on her fingers.
She licks the dislodged
veins that stick
to the knife. The white
plate: a watery
mess. Twelve chilled
bites, severed
from the stalk’s green limb.
*in honor of April, National Poetry Month.
A recent study found that children who use swear words to communicate their feelings actually have higher IQs than kids who refrain. “Kids who swear are highly expressive, more assertive, and extremely capable of defending themselves against bullies,” declares study author Dr. Lucinda Streets. “Sometimes a good old f-bomb does more to tell the story of being five, than all those Dr. Seuss books put together,” adds Dr. Streets.
Parents spend a lot of time worrying about swearing in front of their children. Maybe all that energy could be better spent applying for preschools and signing the kids up for cello lessons. Besides, parents are always lectured about “speaking their kid’s language.”
Isn’t it high time they start speaking ours? Damn!
[For more fun and hijinx, go here]
******
Another helpful childrearing discovery a friend and I made is the beneficial effects of a little scotch and soda before naptime for the under-5 set.
Here she is sipping away
And here she is just an hour later.. sleeping
It works!!
