As the fog lifts, I’m amazed at what I’ve missed. Even with my self-described harmless evening drinking ritual (that hadn’t yet resulted in DUIs, lost jobs, children, or marriages) I was checked out every day between about 5pm (ok 4pm) and 9 or 10pm. I was coping, so I thought.. I was relaxing, doing something for myself, giving myself a reward for all the day’s hard work. And who would have argued with that? Three kids under 6, two jobs, life as an angsty cheerleader. I deserved those drinks.
What I hadn’t realized is that I (and so many like me) deserve so much more than a zombified state at the end of a long day… that to be checked out is a very poor substitute for truly replenishing soul-feeding activities (time with real live girlfriends, reading, warm sweet-scented baths).
There’s a long way to go… a daily struggle to avoid that first drink to oblivion, but I’m seeing things I haven’t seen in awhile. Colors, textures, multi-dimensional aspects to each day that are exultant and joyous (and of course also heartbreaking and sorrowful). The world is bigger, deeper, wider, than I’d let myself see for so long.
And it’s good. Today it’s good.
#9
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Over at Babble today I’ve weighed in on the Great FlickR/Babble Fiasco of 2007…
You are doing a good thing here. You know that, of course, but I thought a reminder from a grrrlfriend wouldn’t hurt. Keep on keeping on.
Bossy quit her nightly wine ritual for over a month and found that she was still falling asleep in her mashed potatoes and kind of crabby at the end of a long day. She was relieved that those things weren’t due to her alcohol addiction, until her brother said, “So now you’re all happy to know that’s your normal state?”
I’ve quit too. Will blog it later and linky back to ya - but my reasons are different than yours I think.
You’re an amazing woman.
I read your earlier post and wow! Getting to this point must have been difficult. All too often I know it’s far easier to just keep maintaining than to really look at problems and face them. Good for you. You’re very brave.
I’m glad it’s been a good day and you’re wise enough to embrace it, chronicle it and keep it as your own no matter what tomorrow might bring. Awesome.
They say “One day at a time” for a very good reason, I think.
Don’t be hard on yourself for where you’ve been or how or why you got there. Instead, celebrate where you are now, today. Which is perfect. You’re doing wonderfully.
One day at a time; you’re doing well.