Archive for September, 2007



08
Sep

Secrets and Lies.. Truthfulness Project, Part 2

Moms who smoke pot, breastfeed each other’s children, struggle with feelings of ambivalence about their children and their marriages. Is this the stuff of True Mom Confessions (or another daily read at Babble)? Or just a list of the usual secrets parents keep? When is telling the truth freeing? When is it merely exhibitionism?

Chicago Moms blogger Maryann Mohanraj writes about the dilemma all writers, all bloggers, face. Telling the truth isn’t only a decision about privacy (our own and our family’s) but also a calculation of the risks of truth-telling balanced again the fear and shame of someone knowing who we really are. Ms. Mohanraj takes the plunge, bares her soul, and if the comments are any indication, is vindicated for her bravery.

Read more at my post over at Babble

06
Sep

How to Have a Responsible Midlife Crisis

  1. Schedule breakdowns to occur after all the children are fed and bathed and the house is reasonably clean
  2. Drive fast around town but only when there are no small children present.
  3. Buy clothes that make you feel sexy and young, yet are comfortable and not restricting (hard to feel sexy while your jelly roll is lopping over your belt)
  4. Swear loudly and often (and if possible, not around the kids).
  5. Get in touch with your inner lioness by taking up kickboxing, or watching it on TV
  6. Watch the L Word (what is it about hot lesbian sex that just makes me proud to be a woman?)
  7. Make friends with other women who *also* want to have midlife crisis.

Hell, there’s a “Future MILF” club, why shouldn’t there be a “Midlife Crisis” club?

03
Sep

Pilgrim Souls

My favorite poets, writers, bloggers all have one thing in common: they are all seekers… after truth and beauty, after peace, love, joy, and understanding. They are standing there open-hearted, looking up at the sky and smiling or crying their questions out to the universe. Those who seem all fixed up.. prim and together don’t seem as lovely or artful as those with little cracks where the light shines in.

Perhaps that’s why I love a good potty-mouth mama, a woman who isn’t afraid to talk about what’s really going on in her soul, in her dreams (outside of who is potty-trained and who isn’t sleeping through the night), in her heart.

It is these open, brave people who help me walk truly in my own shoes.. who give me the courage to chase after the biggest dreams, the biggest love, and not just settle into my spiritual easy chair and snooze.

To all of you peppers out there, this one’s for you:

WHEN YOU ARE OLD

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

–W. B. Yeats

PEPPER GIRLZ RULE

flowers.jpg

***

Today at Babble, the heartbreak when your child is left out, bullied, or otherwise mistreated. Ouch!

01
Sep

The Truthfulness Project

As we get older, as our lives become more complicated and layered with friends, family, children, work, homes, it becomes easier and easier to stop telling the truth. Many of us turn to blogging in order to find and express our true selves in a way we are too afraid to venture in real life. The smiles and weather-discussing and mama-shop-talks are no substitute for deeper relating, even with our spouses, those we are supposed to be closest to in the whole world.

And that’s the crux of the issue: As we grow older, as I’ve gotten older, my list of ways I’m supposed to be seem farther and farther away from what I truly am. This disconnect, between the inner and outer person grows into a dead zone, a covering up of the passionate heart, the filming over of dreams and zest for life. Is this what a midlife crisis feels like?

For some, the moment of truth - the realization that one’s life is becoming an out-of-body experience - comes during the 23rd hour of work on the 7th day of the week. For others, when they realize their family is not their family after all, but a poor substitute… something less than they deserve. Still others, fight the inner fight truly and deeply and face inexplicable sorrows along the way.

When other bloggers are honest about their struggles and self-doubts, it always strikes me as so beautiful, so courageous, so heartening. But isn’t it funny how we can pour out love on others and leave only a small pittance for ourselves? Deep breath. Here goes:

My Truths:

1. I focus on my children so that I don’t have to focus on my faltering marriage and on my less than super-mental health.

2. I sometimes drink too much in order to vault myself to another space — one less rife with self-doubts and haunting questions about love and fidelity.

3. I neglect self-care in order to make sure I work hard enough so that my children will have what they need. I’m an outspoken advocate for my women friends getting what they need, but often do absolutely nothing for myself.

5. I am loved deeply and needed by many people, but I do not have a significant relationship in which I feel truly understood and in which I feel free to speak my mind.

6. I dream of having a happier lust-filled primary relationship and I’m petrified I might not be able to get there from here.

If buying a camaro, growing a pony tail, and getting a young girlfriend is a male version of a midlife crisis (cartoonish but still), what is a woman’s version? Angst and 1pm glasses of wine? Seems like a rip-off to me. I’m going to have to do something about that…

-Rachael



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