Archive for March, 2008

27
Mar

A Cottage of One’s Own.

By Redsy 6 Comments
Categories: Reds

Some of my favorite writers are starting over with new blogs. They have stories to tell and they want to tell them in relative peace and privacy. Writing and speaking and being free are all beautiful things, often complicated by the roles we inhabit, jobs we hold, family we seek to protect.

Seeing people find solace in a safe place is a lovely thing to behold.

***

In 8 days I’ll have 6 months sobriety. We’re not supposed to count our chicks before they hatch, but I get another coin (pretty blue) to add to my growing pile, so it’s especially exciting. One half year of not drinking and following a spiritual program. A program which is becoming less about not drinking and more about fellowship, service, and (incredibly for someone like me — a perennial cat wearing a wool suit) serenity.

In my life, I’ve often felt I was looking for home… a house or place where I could rest and be safe and cozy. While the search for that physical retreat goes on (we’re putting our house on the market, again), I’m starting to feel ok with my little cottage inside. Dopey and simplistic, but powerful nonetheless.

I have a place to call my own, that is mine no matter what external circumstances (those changeable bastards) uncover. And if I’m lucky enough to have a place, a home, that mirrors this, then I’ll be incredibly grateful.

**

Today at Strollerderby – 5 Ways to Make Your Kid Fat Fast

16
Mar

The Secrets of the Bedtime Guardian

By Redsy 8 Comments
Categories: Reds

Sometimes in the evenings I look at the clock and wonder how many hours it will be until there is quiet in the house. Will it be 9? 10? 11? Will there be tears and fights and long moments of frustration? Will they get enough rest so that tomorrow will be greeted with the naturally cheery curiosity and enthusiasm my children display when well rested?

My twins have never been particularly good sleepers. And if you’d told me when they were 6 months old that even at 6 years of age, the sleep thing would still be a long arduous process, I probably would have jumped off a bridge. Failing that, I would at least have gotten on some seriously high doses of anti-depressants. Because sleep is my secret magic recipe for happiness and long life. Without it, I’m a wreckage of neuroses and impatience.

Since the practice now is to focus on the current 24 hours more things seem doable. Enter the Bedtime Guardian. My children are particularly anxious at night. They don’t return my wishes for sweet dreams, they bargain, negotiate, and generally refuse to go to sleep anytime before 11pm.

We’ve tried everything: rigorous exercise, regular routines, punishment, rewards, puppets.. nothing has worked.

Except the Bedtime Guardian.

Bedtime Guardian is when an adult person (a parent or grandparent) sits quietly in the chair now installed in the twins room and stays until they sleep. This usually also involves helping with those last pressing questions of the day, the tucking in again and again, the finding of missing beloved stuffed cats (they each have 10 — Butterball, Ginger, Ted who is a frog, Silver, Ginge, baby cat, etc. etc. etc. ).

The biggest job of the Bedtime Guardian is just to Be There. Sit, breath, keep everyone safe.

It keeps them calm and secure enough so that they can drift off to sleep (usually within 60-90 minutes). The non-Bedtime Guardian parent watches out for the youngest one who is pretty good about going to bed, but who occasionally needs another bottle, another hug and kiss, or to climb the Mama Ladder one more time (another long story).

BG works. It’s not my favorite way to spend those rare and precious free hours of an evening, but it’s only for today and I can do it for today.

***

What does your family eat for dinner? Take my poll over at Strollerderby.

12
Mar

The Veil of Secrecy

By Redsy 13 Comments
Categories: Be Married, Be Merry and Reds

veil.jpgMamma Loves recently discussed the taboo of writing about marriage. Many people (rightly) shy away from talking about anything but the good things about marriage for fear of recrimination, causing needless pain to others, or good old fashioned privacy concerns.

But whatELVIS, some things need to be discussed, people! And there are ways of writing through the questions and doubts without betraying one’s spouse.

Those of us feeling like lost lambs in the wilderness need the help and camaraderie of those of you who seem like you know what you’re doing.

I think the stakes get higher when married becomes married with children (obviously) and I don’t know about you, but I get a HUGE stomach ache every time I hear of another marriage failing, another child or children embarking on the two house tango… It’s easy to assume or worry that other people’s choices are thoughtlessly undertaken.

And ever since becoming a mother, I have zero boundaries about other children. If a child 1/2 mile away falls and skins his knee, or falls off his bike or rides her bike without a helmet, my gut is stabbed clean through. And I’ll tell you, now that I’m wide awake the pain is acute.

In any event, raising children and being in love seem like two quite distinct activities. Two things that I’ve never personally experienced concomitantly… In my world and heart, you are either cleaning the floor, or having multiple orgasms… never/ rarely both (metaphorically speaking of course).

Maybe arranged marriages are smarter after all?

***

Incidentally, I now have 5 months sober. Thank you to everyone for your loving support. It is definitely finally getting easier.

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