Sometimes in the evenings I look at the clock and wonder how many hours it will be until there is quiet in the house. Will it be 9? 10? 11? Will there be tears and fights and long moments of frustration? Will they get enough rest so that tomorrow will be greeted with the naturally cheery curiosity and enthusiasm my children display when well rested?
My twins have never been particularly good sleepers. And if you’d told me when they were 6 months old that even at 6 years of age, the sleep thing would still be a long arduous process, I probably would have jumped off a bridge. Failing that, I would at least have gotten on some seriously high doses of anti-depressants. Because sleep is my secret magic recipe for happiness and long life. Without it, I’m a wreckage of neuroses and impatience.
Since the practice now is to focus on the current 24 hours more things seem doable. Enter the Bedtime Guardian. My children are particularly anxious at night. They don’t return my wishes for sweet dreams, they bargain, negotiate, and generally refuse to go to sleep anytime before 11pm.
We’ve tried everything: rigorous exercise, regular routines, punishment, rewards, puppets.. nothing has worked.
Except the Bedtime Guardian.
Bedtime Guardian is when an adult person (a parent or grandparent) sits quietly in the chair now installed in the twins room and stays until they sleep. This usually also involves helping with those last pressing questions of the day, the tucking in again and again, the finding of missing beloved stuffed cats (they each have 10 — Butterball, Ginger, Ted who is a frog, Silver, Ginge, baby cat, etc. etc. etc. ).
The biggest job of the Bedtime Guardian is just to Be There. Sit, breath, keep everyone safe.
It keeps them calm and secure enough so that they can drift off to sleep (usually within 60-90 minutes). The non-Bedtime Guardian parent watches out for the youngest one who is pretty good about going to bed, but who occasionally needs another bottle, another hug and kiss, or to climb the Mama Ladder one more time (another long story).
BG works. It’s not my favorite way to spend those rare and precious free hours of an evening, but it’s only for today and I can do it for today.
***
What does your family eat for dinner? Take my poll over at Strollerderby.
We have the same nighttime issues with the littlest guy.
Is it bad that I resent the BG role? I feel like that time is the only time I have to myself and then I don’t get it because I have to lay down with them. I know it won’t always be this way. I know some day I’m going to miss it. But some nights?? I’d just love a little time to myself.
Our girl was a champion sleeper until 2.5. Now, I am a guardian, like you.
Best thing that happened to me regarding my child’s sleep habits: The book “Good Night, Sleep Tight.” It helped me help her develop fairly healthy sleep habits, knock wood.
Worst thing that happened to me: Mo Willems’ “Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late.” Now she has added “I want a drink of water” to her evening stalling tactics.
Know that all this is temporary. Day by day…little by little…
And then, of course, it’ll be something else.
Right?
That is beautiful. I assume playing your PSP would amount to cheating.
We do BG most nights, too - tho’ sometimes it amounts to sitting just outside the door.
Mommy Needs Coffee sent me over. I’m so glad she did.
Reds,
You are a saint. I’m ashamed to say this, but EVEN THOUGH my 3 yr old kid is a good sleeper, I can still be a real “night momster” as I call it on the occasional nights when she wakes up a bunch or can’t go down easily at 8pm. i can’t help it, I’m just not at my best at night. If she’s upset or really needs me I’m obviously there ato whisper sweet mommy words, but when they just do their little people thing of wanting Mom’s company….or when it happens too much in one night I start growling and becoming an evil Crabmomster.