Archive for the 'Ask Me Something' Category

25
Apr

Dare

Sometimes I feel like a transvestite trapped in a straight woman’s body. Heels? They should be high high high. Makeup? Sparkly, heavy, and colorful. And dresses? Yes yes yes.

There has been much talk on the ’sphere lately about women who deign to write personal things on blogs about their children, or feelings, or political beliefs… About how the act of creating art is so devalued and fetishised in our society that anyone who even dares use the word “art” or “muse” is chased with sticks.

Especially in a day and age where the Internet cloaks people in enough anonymity that they feel free to let loose their mean subterranean rage. Don’t believe me? Check out the rage this little opinion about $4 gas evoked

Self-expression, whether sparkly gaudy makeup, religious beliefs, writing, or spouting opinions is a dangerous and necessary act. If one has the courage to speak from the heart, after the kids and the marriages and the mortgages tell us we better shape up and act like a lady (or at least act “mature), the pressure to keep it all tamped down is pretty strong. But let’s not fool ourselves, also scary as hell.

So today I dare you to do something that is from your heart. For you. Some small secret place you’ve been waiting to open up and tell someone about.

Do you dare?

If nothing else, go share her wonderful news!

26
Feb

Between Light & Dark

Part of the twelve step program I’m practicing includes a “fearless and thorough” moral inventory of one’s life. If you’re past the age of 20 and have a pulse, this can be a daunting prospect, though the details of the inventory aren’t as important of the practice of it.

Its essence is the consideration of one’s own responsibility in every single relationship or significant event in one’s life. Reflection not as terrified clothes-rending remorse, but as a sober and serious accounting of one’s past actions and their impacts on the lives of those around you.

The next step is to talk these things through with another human being, anxiety over which is far worse than the actual experience. In any event, this list of things to be sorry about, become aware of, leaves me feeling in a funny limbo between light and dark.

Dreams of flying and of meeting up with ex-husbands and boyfriends happen nearly every night and I awaken at times wondering where I am, which part of my life I’ve surfaced into… Sometimes the dream person and I are laughing over our hard times (in retrospect only are they amusing), sometimes they’re yelling my faults out to me so that I wake up curled in a ball of misery.

And so it goes.

In the end I wonder who it is I’ve been dating and marrying all these years. A darker part of myself? Someone to punish and excoriate after loving lightly for awhile? If it’s true that wherever you go there you are, then I mate and date over and over again with the same person, the same man.

Someone who loves me in part, scorns me in part, but someone who can never know and never understand, because I won’t let him in.  I simply don’t know how.

21
Feb

Homecoming

Home sweet home. Where the air is fresh, the trees are green, and the routines and personnel are highly trained and accustomed to the Way of the Rugrat Raising Warrior.

Me and the kidlings had some fun in Tucson, saw some cactus, swam, and enjoyed the sweet grandparent love connection, but oy with the delayed flight and the unfriendly co-passengers who wouldn’t switch seats so a mama could sit by her babies. Die die venomous swine!!

twins-cactus-hike-1.jpg

Here are the twinklies next to a huge lovely cactus.

And in case my feelings on the matter aren’t patently obvious, here is: Why Older Children Rule at Imperfect Parent

15
Jan

Bawdy Body?

Her Bad Mother’s post about WonderBaby’s little euphemism got me thinking about parents and kids and the words we teach (or don’t teach) them to use. Maybe I read too much “Our Body Ourselves” as a young person, or maybe my Mom dragged me to one too many NOW meetings. Whatever the case, I came into parenting assured that teaching children the correct terminology for their bodies would furnish them with knowledge and power and pride.

Knowing the accurate words for themselves seemed an excellent first step in empowering them to know who to ask for what, when, and how they could carry themselves confidently through life. And when I had girls, I felt even more strongly about that.

Fast forward six years and each evening I’m reminded of this solemn undertaking in all its asinine glory.

“Mama, she touched my vagina without permission!!”

“EW. Your vagina STINKS!”

You get the idea.

I’ve promulgated such pride and power and accuracy that I’m afraid my inner Maiden Aunt rears her head simultaneous to each evening’s outcry. “Ladies. Please refrain from yelling out every little thought about your body. Let’s work on discretion.”

Yes. Discretion. A powerful motivator of 6 year olds everywhere.

I should write a parenting book.

Even though I flinch a bit inside, and admire that my friend had the smarts to teach her daughter to call “nursing,” “snack” (I know you’ll be shocked to hear that my youngest just calls out loudly “I want the BOOOB!!”), I am a bit proud of my daughters. They are weird, strong and outspoken. And haven’t yet learned to buckle under and act properly.

Let’s hope they never do…

For more fun with anatomy, go to Strollerderby

17
Feb

My Interview with Time Magazine Reporter James Poniewozik

james-poniewozik.jpg

The opportunity to interview the Time Magazine reporter who wrote about Gen X parents in the newest edition of Time (p. 39) has been a fascinating experience. It is so much easier now to access the media and other people of interest (thanks to email). The first and second parts of the interview are over at Stroller Derby (Babble’s blog that I write for).

Here are two of the questions I asked and he answered that weren’t published over at Stroller Derby. For those of you who are ever worried that blogging is taken seriously as a medium for intelligent discussion and pundit-ry, this will (maybe) put your mind at ease:

CRANKMAMA: How do you view the blogging phenomenon in relation to reporting for Time and the like?

JAMES P: I like it. I read a lot of blogs. And look, I’m an opinion writer, so as far as someone blogging their criticism of something I’ve written–hey, I got to say my piece, they should get to say theirs. (I have a blog myself, at http://time-blog.com/tuned_in/ — it’s more fun than writing for the print magazine.) Then they can invite me for a Q&A, and I can have my say further, and then they can further respond to my responses, and on goes the great circle of life.

One or two critics of my essay — could one of them have been CrankMama? — suggested that my piece basically was the big guy vs. the little guys, or big media’s resentment of little media. First of all, Alternadad–which I gave far, far more ink than I gave to Babble–is a book, which has not been new media for 500 years, and is published by Pantheon. That’s not exactly the SubPop of the publishing world. Second, I think the condescending thing to do would have been
to say, “Oh, I shouldn’t critique these online writers, they’re too small fish, they can’t handle it.” Writing is writing. Babble is a for-profit online magazine, just like Salon, where I was a columnist for two years before I went to Time.

To me, and I think a lot of professional writers my age, the distinction between old and new media is not that big a deal. I think some older journalists, your George Will types, are very concerned about the distinction. And frankly some bloggers are obsessed by it. To somebody who has basically used the Internet his whole professional life, it’s all just writing. If the checks clear, cool.

CRANKMAMA: Do you consider yourself a hip parent? If not, why not?

JAMES P: If I am a hip parent, the term “hip” is probably so devalued as to be nearly meaningless. Which of course it is, just as “alternative” is. (Who doesn’t consider themselves alternative? Everyone from the transgendered to Christian fundamentalists has a narrative in which they’re excluded from and put upon by the mainstream of society.) I mean, what’s “hip” today? It’s crap you buy. It’s what you have on your iPod. It’s basically defined by your ownership of Apple products. If there’s one thing I might change about my essay, it would be using
the term “hipster,” which has become so slippery.

Except what would I replace it with? It’s a catchall, it elides a lot of differences, and yet the people at Babble, the people at blogs offended by my essay–they certainly seem to believe that it encompassed them even as they objected to it, and that there was, in fact, some common self-selected entity that they belonged to. They complained about the term, said that it didn’t capture their diversity–but their posts were all linked to each other’s posts, and they blogroll each other, and they talk constantly about the “community.” But write a critical word about that community, and suddenly, you’re lumping them all together when they don’t deserve to be.

So fine, maybe we shouldn’t use “hipster parent writer.” Maybe we should use “Introspective, Literary, Urban or Formerly Urban Before Moving to the Burbs, Respectful of Differences About Co-Sleeping and Immunizations Parent Writer.” But I don’t think that makes a good acronym.

23
Aug

Questions

As Queen Interpreter of the World to 3 girls, I’m faced daily with the prospect of coming up with clever, seemingly accurate answers to the most stirring questions facing great minds under 5 today.  These include:

Why do mommas need so much sleep?

Because that’s how we recharge our superpowers

Do you really actually have eyes in the back of your head, or are you just kidding?

No I’m not kidding.   I actually can see everything you do at all times so clean up your toys and stop hitting your sister.

Are people only alive when they’re in heaven?

    Hmmmm?

Are people alive in heaven?

    Sorry? What?

ARE PEOPLE ALIVE IN HEAVEN, I SAID!!

    Ask your Father.

Why do we have so many grandmas?

Because mommy & daddy are in the post-divorce generation and we’re all paying the price now for the self-discovery and self-expression of the Me-Generation (aka: Boomers) who all chose to end 1 or 2 marriages in the 70s and 80s and remarry and create a huge mess for Gen X to clean up.

*Silence*

 

13
Aug

Ask Me, I Know

Here are some fun questions I’ve been asked:

"So. Do you love your daughters enough?"
"Did your hips expand after you had kids?"
"Does your husband mind that you breastfeed?"
"Tell me all about your life.  Are you happy?"
"You had your twins out of wedlock?"

The problem with these questions isn’t that they’re rude and overly personal, the problem is they mirror questions my Inner Mormon (IM) sometimes asks me when I wake up in the middle of the night.  IM is there to hound me with doubts about all the bad/good/I don’t know choices I’ve made thus far. And even though all’s apparently well that ends well, they still haunt around.

One of the things good girlfriends do for each other is share these doubting thoughts and then apply a salve of understanding…

So share yours with me.  It’s free and I’m always nice to gal pals.   Post here or email me: crankmama@gmail.com



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